Saturday, July 28, 2012

Musings at midnight by an insomniac

The time is not a problem in my world, time is simply a thing for keeping to put up in a little box and forget it ever existed. In my world sleep doesn't exist and ideas dominate the entirety of the place. It shifts from summer to winter with subtle brush strokes of a passing thought and smile. Slipping in and out of a haze that is filled with too real dreams and nightmares, or maybe they are all beautiful nightmares waiting to be seen. Give me your hand and I'll walk you through my dreamland, through this beautiful nightmare.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

My Music Inspired Coma and Other Musings That I Feel Are Important to Write About

Today I pay tribute to Pandora and the genome project. I've been going through what I can only call an emotional cleansing the last few days and basically I've been cleaning out the skeletons in my closet. It's been an eye opening and heart lightening past couple of days. So with all this emotional draining I'm starting  to feel a little lethargic and im feeling the need to find a hole to crawl into and just melt away into a little happy puddle :). Even as I write this I'm comfortably happy. So why is it, you ask, that I pay a tribute to Pandora? Because my music is my escape to myself, and pandora just happens to be my go to place for my music. Just while writing this, four of my favorite songs have played. I can't express how grateful I am to have pandora and music in general. For whatever situation I face, or whatever emotion I am processing, there is a song for it. Song of the momment: When You Were Young by the Killers. With everything that I am getting rid of, I'm filling that empty space with music and I'm letting the chords and lyrics take hold and fill me up with happy. If there was ever a time to clean out from under my emotional bed it's now. With my senior year coming up I'm ready to go and I'll have enough to pack up, minus all the emotional baggage. So to pay my daily respects for my favorite band, Panic! at the Disco, here will be my senior year theme song that I'm sure will continue to inspire and motivate me to move on and get the hell outa Dodge ;)
With Love From A New Perspective,
-Kait :)
"Ready To Go (Get Me Out Of My Mind)"
(Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh)

You've got these little things
That you've been running from
You either love them or I guess you don't
You're such a pretty thing
To be running from anyone
A vision with nowhere to go

So tell me right now
You think you're ready for it
I wanna know
Why you got me going
So let's go
We'll take it out of here
I think I'm ready to leap
I'm ready to live

I'm ready to go
(Get me out of my mind
Get me out of my mind)
I'm ready to go
(Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh)

You've got these little things
You wanted somethin' for 'em
You either get it or I guess you won't
What does it really mean
To get nothin' from anyone?
There's a million ways it could go



I think I'm ready I think
I know I'm ready I know
I think I'm ready I think
I know I'm ready I know
I think I'm ready I think
I know I'm ready I know
I think I'm ready I think
I know


Monday, July 23, 2012

That Weird Moment When You Realize Something and Then You Hear A Song About It

So this last week I have done some evaluating and I have made some changes to my life. First and foremost I had to admit to myself that I couldnt finish one of my classes and there was no way I could finish it, so I had to put my big girl pants on and take a withdrawl in the class. I always hate feeling like a quitter, but I was feeling so stressed out, and dropping that class lowered my stress level  a LOT. Second, I had to admit to myself that I had been sugar coating my relationship with my boyfriend. It was like dipping rat poison in honey, just because it tasted sweet didn't mean that it wasn't going to kill me. So I ended it.

After this metaphorical cleaning house, I feel great. I feel happy and awake again. Sure, I'll feel even better once I finish the rest of my classes and I deal with all the other little loose ends that need to be tied but for right now I will bask in the pool of happiness that I feel right now. As for American HI-FI thank you for making this song, it was the perfect theme song for my last relationship :)
With Love From A New Perspective
-Kait :)
"Flavor Of The Weak"
she paints her nails and she don't know
he's got her best friend on the phone
she'll wash her hair
his dirty clothes are all he gives to her
and he's got posters on the wall
of all the girls he wished she was
and he means everything to her

her boyfriend, he don't know
anything about her
he's too stoned, Nintendo
i wish that i could make her see
she's just the flavor of the weak

it's friday night and she's all alone
he's a million a miles away
she's dressed to kill
the tv's on
he's connected to the sound
and he's got pictures on the wall
of all the girls he's loved before
and she knows all his favorite songs

her boyfriend, he don't know
anything about her
he's too stoned, he's too stoned
he's too stoned, he's too stoned
yeah she's the flavor of the weak
she makes me weak

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Suppose that my Mood controlled the Weather

"Just for the record, the weather today is slightly sarcastic with a good chance of A. Indifference or B. Disinterest in what the critics say." What a perfect song to begin my day. It is one of those songs sent down from the musical oracle herself just to make sure that I am fully aware of my mood. I'm not sure what it is, I just woke up depressed and well, indifferent. Then I looked outside and the sky decided to hide away today just as myself, I guess she was tired of putting on a false face of happiness just as I was. Lately I've been tired of people not saying what they mean, or not bringing to light a problem that needs to be addressed. It makes me feel like I'm in a twisted game of Stepford house wives, only we're all teenagers and I was in a temporary state of mind control and I shook it off. I'm in one of those moods where the music won't go loud enough and people just annoy me, I suppose that the idea of a sudden rebellion is out of the question because everyone around me is still under their false masks of fake-ness and won't be up for it. What kind of rebellion you ask? Well at this point I'd settle for anything to break this monotonous cycle of everyday. Thinking about it, I guess this mood has come from the realization that I am without a heart. Yes, I know its strange, but I have hidden the fluttering little thing long ago, and now I am sad to report that upon inquiring for it, I cannot find it. Odd, the feeling of a need for a good dose of heart break, but no reason for it, and not even being able to create it yourself. I would explain further dear reader, but I just don't have the heart for it.Literally.
With Love from a Different Perspective,

P.S Looking for a heart.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Where, oh where, are our Generations Mr. Darcys and Mr. Rochesters ??

What ever happened to passion? To respectable meeting and giving love time to grow? Well I am petitioning for that back! I say we should take a stand for passion, for love, for kisses in the rain and even the potential heart break that becomes crippling and may cause you to have a fever because your heart led you out into the rain to the place you first met and cried out his name. Yes, I know, I'm a hopeless romantic who reads way to many old English novels (Pride and prejudice, Jane Eyre, Whurthing Heights, Sense and sensability, and many others) but I cant help but wish and hope that one day this chivalrous spirit will be re- kindled and our male population will rise up and greet this challenge by exceeding our expectations and become the passionate and respectable gentlemen that I know they are capable of being. Suppose that my boyfriend took a lesson from these novels and learned some tips on how to be chivalrous and romantic.... oh how wonderful that would be :). I hate saying that because he really is sweet, he could just learn a few pointers. On that note, our entire population could use a few pointers. From a different perspective -Kait :)

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Oh How I Must Thank Entertainment Industry... What a Love-Hate Relationship!

Subtle use of vocal harmony, intricate melodic phrasing, mixed acoustic and electric instrumentation, thru composed melodic style, minor key tonality, prominent organ, subtle use of acoustic piano... Yes I'm describing the reason why I have a love affair with music. Oh, how I love putting on a song and cranking up the music so loud that the bass becomes my heart beat, so loud that my thoughts are no more but a dream, so loud that it's like being in a matrix and your cells are momentarily separated and the music is there to fill the dead space. That is my love for music. Its a passion that fuels not only my ideas, but my moods, emotions and allows me to move freely through the words and ideas in my head and helps me separate and sort the chaos that is my mind. Through music, I have learned self expression and it has helped me grow as a person. With music I have grown into my own person, it has taught me originality, selflessness, and most importantly, it has been there when no one else was. Allowing the long chords and lyrics wrap around me when a persons arms were missing was perhaps more consoling than if someone was there, music always had a therapeutic nature and has often played my therapist. I simply had to pay a tribute to this old friend of mine, and what better way to do that than with it being my first post in a new blog. I don't know where this blog will go, what direction it will take or what it's fated to be. I'm just going to take it day by day and make it a kind of surprise, even for myself.
If all our life is but a dream, fantastic posing greedThen we should feed our jewelry to the seaFor diamonds do appear to beJust like broken glass to me

And then she said she can't believeGenius only comes along in storms of fabled foreign tonguesTripping eyes and flooded lungsNorthern downpour sends its love

Hey moon, please forget to fall downHey moon, don’t you go downSugarcane in the easy morningWeather vanes my one and lonely

The ink is running toward the page, it’s chasing off the daysLook back at both feet and that winding kneeI missed your skin when you were eastYou clicked your heels and wished for me

Through playful lips made of yarn that fragileCapricorn unraveled words like moths upon old scarvesI know the world’s a broken boneBut melt your headaches call it home
-Panic! At the Disco -Northern Downpour

With Love from a Different Perspective
-Kait :)